Where Loyalties Lie by Ramsower Jill & Ramsower Jill

Author:Ramsower, Jill & Ramsower, Jill
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jill Ramsower, LLC
Published: 2020-07-14T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 16

Tamir

Past

“I heard the commander talking about commendations for the mission.” Uri clapped his hand on my back as he announced his good news. Our team had spent months gathering intelligence and planning the assassination of a top enemy general, who had been a key proponent of suicide bombings of Israeli citizens.

“It would be well earned,” I replied, closing my front door after my friend had entered.

“Why don’t you sound pleased? That would be an incredible honor.”

I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to many people about the thoughts I’d been struggling with, but Uri was one of them. We’d been through so much together; he was more of a brother than a friend. We walked farther into my house as I began to explain.

“When I chose to stay in the service, I thought what I was doing would make a difference. I know, it sounds ridiculously naïve. But at the very least, I thought we’d be working toward peace for our nation. An end to all the killings. After ten years of service, I don’t think there will ever be an end. Just a bloody river of retaliation and death. And what’s worse? I can feel hatred and intolerance growing inside me.”

“Should we not hate evil? Think of all the civilians—the children—these terrorists kill every day.”

“And do we not send airstrikes and bombs that result in undesired casualties? Six months ago, we targeted an enemy compound and ended up killing six innocent children inside and wounded thirty other people in the vicinity. What makes us so different from them?”

Uri’s fist came out of nowhere. Pain blistered across my cheek, but I’d experience so much worse in my life that it barely registered.

“Say that shit again,” he warned in a low growl. I had pissed him off even more than I’d expected.

“Look, I know we’re not the same, but lately, I’m struggling to see the point.”

“The point is, as long as there are terrorists on our doorstep trying to kill us, we fight. We aggressively defend our people. That doesn’t make us monsters like them.”

I dropped down onto my leather sofa. “I know, I know. It’s just getting to me lately.”

“You need to figure out a way to get past it. You have one week to get that shit sorted out, then we get back to work.” He stormed out of the house, slamming my door behind him.

I understood why he was upset. The atrocities we’d seen were horrific. It wasn’t that I felt guilt over our actions; I just didn’t want to be perpetuating the problem. At some point, when you continue to slam your own head against a wall, shouldn’t you stop and ask why?

I’d already been struggling with my doubts, but something that happened on our last mission truly shook me. A small team of us were raiding an enemy stronghold under a “no survivors” order. The timing was crucial, which meant a daytime attack, rather than a preferred strike under the cloak of darkness. Because of that, our gear was different.

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